Organic Muslimah has a post on her blog about sexual and physical abuse in the Muslim community. These are two very real and very important issues that the community needs to face up to and deal with properly.
However, i think its quite an over-reaction where she says that "we must protect them [our children] from everyone, even from our own flesh and blood" and "The doorman, bus driver, public transportation passengers, uncles, cousins, and neighbors were all potential sexual abusers."
I see where she's coming from, but the tone of the post and especially the comments section is so full of paranoia, i'm surprised that the father wasn't added to that list too. How can you function normally with a world-view where you see everyone potentially being out to get your children?
Qur'an teachers in particular come in for quite a bashing in the comments section.
First off, the profession is rightly criticised for the far too-frequent stories of sexual abuse at the hands of its members. But to paint a picture of most Qur'an teachers being so untrustworthy is deeply insulting to the ones who are honest and upright, and its also like the community deliberately shooting itself in the foot. Tell me, who would want to become a Qur'an teacher if the feeling in the community was that most Qur'an teachers are perverts? And if that happened who then would teach our kids the Qur'an?
The second issue Qur'an teachers are bashed for is the beating they give to kids. Real physical abuse is deplorable, but i've been through the system as have hundreds of thousands of Muslim boys in the UK, and at one time or another i'm sure we've all experienced a beat or seen a class mate get a whack. That hasn't meant that we've all grown up emotionally scarred by the experience. A beating administered in the right way way is an effective deterrent in stopping naughty behaviour - believe me.
The topic of sexual abuse within our community needs to be discussed openly and support needs to be made available to those who have unfortunately experienced it, but the discussion must be balanced and based on real stats and not just anecdotal evidence so that we can understand the true extent and nature of the problem.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
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4 comments:
Sadly from all the cases I've seen, personally and have read about in our community, being "cautious" is a must. We don't live in a safe world anymore and parents must realize that it's their obligation to be the protector by using an extreme filtering system in choosing the close ring of people around their children.
You might call it paranoia but I believe it's better safe than sorry. Also, as a Middle Easterner, let me assure you that a big chunks of parents are unaware of the problem or their "family honor" blinds them from taking the required precautions to ensure their child's safety.
My post is my reaction to the many stories I have heard lately. My focus isn't discipline using physical force. My Analysis of the story was focused on sexual abuse. And how parents ignored the sheikhs insistence to be "alone" with the children.
I stated in the first half of the post, notice the divider, that sexual and physical abuse were the subjects the bothered me the most.
And my intentions were never to degrade Quran teachers. I hold great trust to my own Quran teacher but Islam hasn't made exceptions to anyone. The rules are clear for everyone.I tried explaining in my comment section:
"It's sad. Sheikh or not, any adult isn't allowed to be alone with my child. PERIOD. I don't want to spread the idea that sheikhs are sexual molesters, I want us to understand that SHEIKHS=HUMAN and they can fall into sin just like everyone else."
I believe we shouldn't put complete trust in any human because we all sin, even if they have the entire Quran memorized.
I just want us to be aware of the problem. I haven't met one person who hasn't been exposed to sexual abuse in some format. This makes me wonder, why? What can we do to protect our children? To prevent such acts? As an educator and future parent, this topic concerns me.
People in my comment section suggested creating open and honest discussion with children, to which I shared stories of friends and their children. Being open about the problem is what will help us kill the growing problem.
In conclusion, I really respect your feedback and I thank you for sharing it.
Jazzakum Allah kol Khair.
salam... there is an animated discussion going on over this at MuslimMatters.org as well... similar in vein to your comments
Unfortunately (it's unfortunate that this is problem is a reality), all of us who take a moral stand need to be concerned about this problem - clearly it's not a problem for Muslims alone. In our churches (Methodist churches in Texas) we are required to have what's called a "Safe Sanctuary Policy" to protect both children and youth and those who work with them. One of the requirements is what we call the "two adult rule." This rule is that two non-related adults need to be present with any children or youth at church activities. This way they not only keep an eye on each other, but also can serve as a line of defense against false accusations. It's not a complete fail-safe, but it does help. While these policies are difficult to work with (given that people often fail to show up on time - or at all - when a gathering is scheduled), we've found them to be a decent starting point.
Richard, your safe sanctuary policy sounds like a great idea.
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